After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
