I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he thought i was a dude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
