pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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