evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
