This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
