I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
