does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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