Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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