Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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