Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
