I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize