You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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