why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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