Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As shirtless as possible
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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