So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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