She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize