sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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