yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
