everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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