I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
