I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
