Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
