I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
