I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
