Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
