I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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