I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
