We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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