Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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