I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
