So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
