im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
