i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize