we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
