im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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