noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
