Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
