What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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