Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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