i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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