2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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