just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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