I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
