So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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