im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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