A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
