he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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