I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
