I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
