it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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