Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
