is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
