and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
