my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
