i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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