am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
