just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
