There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
