dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
