covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
