So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
