Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
