If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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