They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
