She is in my trunk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
