He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
