Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
