woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
