JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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