So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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