So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
